Apologies for the lack of posts recently, but to tempt you back here’s a list by John Camm of today’s modern rules of advertising, where we apparently live in a world of fictional cliches.

1. Men are obsessed with sex but will forego sex in order to watch football or drink beer.
2. Women are locked in a constant battle with their weight/body shape/hairstyle.
3. Career success is entirely based on your ability to impress your boss.
4. Mums are often harassed but NEVER depressed/unable to cope.
5. Any act of male stupidity (e.g. walking across a clean floor in muddy boots, putting the dog in the dishwasher, etc.) will be met with a wry smile, not genuine annoyance/anger.
6. Married men will flirt with other, younger women but NEVER act upon it.
7. Anyone with a scientific career will have a bad haircut and dreadful clothes.
8. If you work for the emergency services, you are a better person than the general population.
9. Elderly relatives NEVER suffer from senile dementia.
10. Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.
11. Women have jobs they never do in real life, e.g. dockworker (who looks like a model).
12. Children will not eat fruit or vegetables. Ever.
13. Both men and women find driving deeply pleasurable, never boring or stressful.
14. Men are inherently lazy/slobbish; women are the reverse.
15. Chocolate, however, will cause women to immediately fall into the languor of the opium eater.
16. High Street bank staff are (A) friends of the customers, and (B) of slightly above-average attractiveness (only if female).
17. Modern men own a cat.
18. Hot beverages have miraculous rejuvenating effects.
19. Professional people have strangely trivial preoccupations, e.g. a female barrister who is morbidly obsessed with finding a healthy snack bar.
20. All women (except stay-at-home housewives) have interesting and enjoyable careers.
21. Any over-the-counter medical product will work instantly and 100% effectively.
22. Children know more than adults.
23. Women never merely hop in and out of the shower, instead preferring to act out some sort of soapy Dance of the Seven Veils.
24. School is a happy experience for all children.
25. Tortilla chips are the most exciting experience any group of young people can experience.
26. Playing bingo is THE number one pastime among 18-25 year old British women.

(via BBC)

Looks like ex-Libertines frontman and token idiot Pete Doherty has shamed himself once more. According to an NME exclusive, he headbutted Razorlight lead singer Johnny Borrell in an ‘unprovoked attack’ backstage at the Leeds festival. As much as I detest Razorlight, he doesn’t deserve that. (Much.)

That detest is slowly wearing off though, seeing as Johnny apparently “put Doherty on the floor and left the dressing room”. Somebody needed to, and if it must be a long-haired croaky-voiced pop star, then I might just be able to cut him some slack.

When will Doherty realise that he’s just a, er, how do you put it.. IDIOT? I don’t understand how somebody who openly takes class A drugs, smashes people’s faces in on a regular basis for no apparent reason, and is generally a top class moron, can still manage to hang onto any ‘fans’ whatsoever.

Oh, and he can’t sing. At all.

Kind of shows the state of the human race, in fact.

Gamer news site GamesIndustry.biz have revealed that UK top inside sources claim the Xbox 360 will be released in Europe on November 25th.

Microsoft will, according to the mole, announce the news on the 15th of this month, and the price looks set to be between £250 and £299 - after Sony started using the word “expensive” to describe the PS3..

Via: [The Register]

At last, an answer to the question asked a thousand times.

While only females have mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the embryo. The embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in.

That’s according to New York physician Billy Goldberg, from his new book Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini, anyway. He also covers other burning questions such as why your teeth chatter when you’re cold, and whether you can really get diseases from sitting on a toilet seat.

You can order it from Amazon for about 7 quid.

Via: [Reuters]

The average age of music consumers is on the rise, says the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry. The BBC reports that the survey says over 30s now account for more than 55% of the buying public, up at least 5% in the last five years.

Perhaps that’s because new music liked by much of the younger generation is rubbish. And they’re not even stupid enough to buy it.

Via: [BBC]

UK record companies are filing their first ever lawsuits against illegal filesharers. Five people are being taken to court, while 60 others settled before it got that far.

Via: [NME]

That’s the results of a recent survey by digital media researchers The Leading Question, anyway. Their studies show that people who illegally download music spend much more on legal music compared to the average Joe. £5.52 compared to £1.72, in fact.

I’ve been saying this for ages, and I think it is specifically true of the younger generation. I’m not saying that everything I’ve ever downloaded has an identical legal copy, but if I hadn’t been able to acclimatise myself with Eric Clapton by downloading a few of his greats, I would never have bought his Greatest Hits on Amazon. And if I hadn’t downloaded Pink Floyd masterpieces, I wouldn’t have bought theirs either.

“The research clearly shows that music fans who break piracy laws are highly valuable customers,” The Leading Question’s Paul Brindley told BBC News. “There’s a myth that all illegal downloaders are mercenaries hell-bent on breaking the law in pursuit of free music.”

Of course, there are the exceptions - and huge exceptions - the ones who milk the filesharing empire for all it’s worth, acquiring track after track, album after album, every day of the year, and never giving anything back. But on the whole, in my experience, it acts as an illegal try-before-you-buy service.

Special disclaimer: No, I’ve never downloaded music. Ever.

Via: [NME]

Here’s the news everyone’s talking about - who will be made the new host of gameshow Countdown? Channel 4 have apparently been ‘inundated’ with calls asking if the show will return after the death of long-standing host Richard Whiteley last month, but co-presenter Carol Vorderman says it’s all still a ‘bit sensitive’. They’ll be talking to candidates in September, says the BBC.

Don’t forget to tune into BBC2 tonight at 9pm for the debut of Ricky Gervais‘ sit-com follow-up to the brilliant The Office - Extras. Announced in March, and co-written with friend Stephen Merchant, who also co-wrote The Office, the series promises to take British comedy up to the next level.

Many high profile stars want in on the programme - even Madonna has shown her interest in appearing in the as-yet-unconfirmed second series - and the first episode includes a guest appearance from Ben Stiller.

Should be good stuff from the unlikely current hero of British comedy writing.